Dear Anxiety

Dear Anxiety,

So we meet again… Well it’s more like good morning, as you are always there. It’s like a dance that will never end.

You have no idea how much you control my life, or maybe you do and you enjoy it. You change. Sometimes you are like a boulder on my chest, while other times you are like a stomach full of butterflies. Normally I can’t breathe and when I am able to I am scared I may hyperventilate.

You make being around people unbearable. Making new friends is impossible. Keeping old friends is just as hard. The social anxiety creeps up and makes me feel as if everyone is talking about me or wishes I would go away. Anxiety is lonely.

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If anxiety did to your insides what it does to your mind I imagine mine would be a big, black burned looking pit. It feels like it literally eats at me every day, takes a little bit of me each minute.

Most people think I am stuck up or awkward, what they don’t know is that I am waging a war every day in my own head. I try too hard to make people like me, thinking it may ease the tension building up in my chest.

Working terrifies me to the point that I dread going each morning, no matter what the job is. My anxiety reaches a point of no return until I know I have at least made it through the day without getting fired, even though I have done nothing wrong. Relationships with my superiors are unobtainable.

Anxiety you put a strain on my family. I know you take away from the mother and wife I could be. My husband deals with you as well. He is always there and tries to fight you off. I am so lucky to have him but of course you slip into that relationship as well and make me jealous and not fully trust him when there is not one ounce of reason why I should feel that way.

You take life’s and tear them apart. You are nothing but horrible but yet I still dance with you every day.

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Homemade Christmas

When Christmas rolls around it’s time to think about those people in your life that are important, but are not the top priorities on that gift list. So what do you do for those people??? Forget about them? Break the bank buying them all gifts? There is always the cookies and candy method… ((Which by the way I am a huge fan of. If you would like to bring me by cookies and candy ANY time of the year I will be more than happy to pass out my address.))

With the huge popularity of Pinterest nowadays there are many more options. I have a few that I am hoping to whip up this year and I thought I would share them with you.

Caramel Dip and Apples

How freaking cute are these!?!? Perfect for just about anyone. Just fill a mini mason jar with your favorite caramel dip, top with apple, wrap with cellophane and TA-DA! ((This would also be a great way to use up all those baby food jars you have been holding on to for some crafty purpose.))

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Just make sure you tie it with a cute ribbon and add a little tag to make it seem like you are the craftiest mom in your neighborhood.

Check out Mrs. January’s blog for more great ideas like this one. http://www.mrsjanuary.com/series/homemade-gift-ideas-for-teens/

Christmas Socks

Who doesn’t love a brand new pair of socks??? I know I am a sucker for them. Well why not find the cutest Christmas pair you can find and fill it with all sorts of Christmas goodies. You could fill it candy, chapstick, giftcards, etc.

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This would be fun for kids to give their friends and teachers as well.

This great idea comes from http://lifeinitsordinaryform.blogspot.com/2010/11/christmas-sock-exchange.html?m=1

Snowman Mason Jars

I think this is the one making the top of my list this year. Spoiler alert for anyone I was going to give this too. J Just fill a mason jar with white chocolate pretzels, hot glue on some buttons and add a scarf. How cute is that??

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Polkadot Chair has some super cute printables for the tag. http://www.polkadotchair.com/2013/12/snowman-mason-jar-craft-idea.html/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed:+ThePolkaDotChair+(The+Polka+Dot+Chair)

Hot Cocoa

Everyone loves getting hot cocoa this time of year, but let’s make it fun! You can fill pastry bags, ornaments, mugs, mason jars or whatever else you can think of with cocoa mix, marshmallows, crushed candy canes, sprinkles, chocolate chips… ok I am pretty sure you get the idea. Individualize each one.

Have fun with it!

Mason Jar Cocktails

Adults only but oh so fun… Put a can of whatever choice of beverage you would like in a mason jar… Tie on a mini bottle and a tag and you are good to go.

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Coke and whiskey, iced coffee and Baileys, Sprite and tequila, Dr. Pepper and rum, Red Bull and Jager… Pretty endless possibilities here.

Here are the instructions and a few other drink combinations. http://somethingturquoise.com/2014/11/28/diy-mason-jar-cocktail-gifts/

 

Remember no matter what you are giving it’s the thought that count… but cuteness goes a long way in my book. 🙂

 

 

Super Super Senior

I have been through and done a lot in my 31 years but only regret one of those things. The rest I take as a lesson and learn from it.

The one thing I regret is dropping out of high school. I’m not saying I haven’t done well in life for being a high school dropout. I was even able to attend community college before they got a bit stricter on the high school diploma thing. But in my head I always knew I took the easy way out. I walked away from a bad situation without fighting for it.

So now here I sit, a 31 year old high school student. I go to school once a week and do online courses. I rot my brain reading the same US History passage over and over. I kick myself in the ass because I could be spending time with my kids but instead I am writing essays about whether or not the Revolutionary War was political or economical in cause.
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31 years old and have never had to use my knowledge of the difference between x-ray microscopes and thermal microscopes; but what happens when my kids say they want to drop out because I did? I know I can tell them I wasn’t able to pursue my dreams, go to state college, yada, yada, yada… But I would rather explain to them why I shouldn’t have done it and why it is so important to have a diploma. So important that I am a 31 year old high school student.

Once I get that diploma I can’t wait to celebrate. I can honestly say that will be my proudest moment. I can say that despite all the obstacles in my life that I was able to stand up and take what is mine, and I hope my kids are proud of me too.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Across social media, this time of year, we are bombarded with the “I’m thankful for…. yada, yada, yada”. We are all thankful for our family, friends, home, jobs, etc. But when it comes down to the nitty gritty what else are you thankful for. So here is my edition of “I’m Thankful”

I’m thankful for….

  • Coffee… We are just going to leave it at that.
  • Dr. Pepper… See above.
  • Facebook and Instagram… Lord knows what I would do with all the random pictures that I take on my phone.
  • My no nonsense attitude… Don’t try to bullshit me… Ever
  • Any other pie besides pumpkin… because that orange gloop is nasty… Yes I may have just committed myself to Thanksgiving Purgatory.
  • Bras… For me and for everyone else who needs them.
  • Sonic Drive In… You have blessed me with your Dr. Pepper with white coconut and your boneless wings. For this I thank you.
  • Bomb liquid foundation… Yes, a shameless plug but seriously! Photoshop in a bottle. Hit me up if you want to know more.
  • Hobby Lobby… My bank account may not be thankful but my heart is.
  • Memes… Seriously who isn’t thankful for those.

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Well folks there is my top ten random things to be thankful for!

And of course I am thankful for my family, friends, job, home, etc. as well.

Have a great Thanksgiving with your loved ones!!

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Divorced For The Holidays

As the holidays come near I can’t help but turn my mind to my kids and not for the normal reasons that you would during this season. My kids are a product of a divorced household. I am a product of a divorced household.

I was 11 when my parents called it quits. Ever since that time I have not been a fan of holidays, that was until I married my ex-husband. We had our two kids that we could celebrate with. I still struggled as many children of divorce do. Which parent do I see first? What Thanksgiving dinner do I attend? Do I see mom on Christmas and dad on Christmas Eve?

When my ex-husband and I divorced I felt the sour taste of holidays in my mouth all over again. Not only did I have to choose for myself but I also had to choose for my kids. Were we doomed to spend holidays apart, away from loved ones?

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Every year as Thanksgiving looms near I start to feel the same anxiety that I always do. I don’t feel holiday cheer; I feel the impending Christmas morning with no kids to wake up to see what Santa brought. I don’t look forward to meals with family; I stress over whose feeling I am going to hurt by not attending their dinner.

I dread the thought of my kids ever having to experience this. That’s why every holiday I put on my big girl smile and talk up the fun they are going to have at dads on Christmas morning and how I can’t wait to see them that afternoon to open gifts. This year I am planning a large Thanksgiving dinner on Saturday when they come home so we can still sit together and eat as a family.

So my gift that I want from every one of you that has to share your children, please don’t make your kids feel bad that they have to go to the other parent’s house during the holidays. Just let them know how much fun they are going to have and you will be waiting for them, arms open to them, always.

Single Dad’s Are Parents Too

**Warning: Controversial Subject Matter**

Dad’s Rights.

Everyone talks about a woman’s rights, a child’s rights, abortion rights, pro-life rights, etc, etc. But when it comes down to it what are the dad’s rights?

Utah is a joke when it comes to this. Dads have no rights. (Hopefully soon to be changed by a bill signed by Gov Herbert) Utah, the place where single moms run away to so they can give birth, adopt out and not tell the dad.

Don’t get me wrong here… Adoption is a beautiful thing. But only if it is done right. A child should NEVER be ripped from the arms of a loving parent, father or mother.

In Utah a “mother” (yes I do not believe that a woman who hurts the father like this should not be called a mother. This does not mean I don’t think moms who give their children up for adoption the right way are not mothers…. Don’t want to get myself in a hole I have to dig myself out of later) can lie to the father and tell them whatever she wants. They don’t even have to give the fathers name during the adoption process if they are not married. Absolute lunacy!

The reason I feel so passionate about this at the current time is a story is circulating Facebook that involves a family that I grew up with that is going through this right now. It breaks my heart for them.

Please remember that just because parents are not married that the father still deserves all the same rights as the mother or a married father. I was the unmarried mother once. I was also the mother who was pushed into almost giving her daughter up for adoption. I understand that part. My daughter’s dad had no say and honestly I don’t think he even knew the pressure that was being put on me by his family and our church. I could have given her up and never said a single word to him.  Thankfully as she celebrates her 11th birthday on Monday, both me and her father get to celebrate it with her.

Free… My Second Favorite F Word

As a wife and mom I know that I run into all kinds of new products daily. Which one to try? Which one is a giant waste of my money? Yada, yada, yada, blah, blah, blah…
Well today as I was looking online for Keurig reviews I came across Influenster. For those who have never heard about it, this site is a review site that awards you with points for social media activity and reviews on random products. Yes, I know there are many sites like this one but after reading some pretty legit things about this I thought “Why the hell not?”. Once you earn a certain number of points, you earn badges. When you get a badge, you are in the running for a “VoxBox”. Basically a free goody box! Who doesn’t like free goodies??? I know I am a huge fan of anything free that is coming my way.
I already did my first review. Starbucks… Yep I’m a fan and they got a full 5 star review from this coffee chugging mama.
I also voted in my first Influenster Awards so here’s to hoping it pays off and I get selected for a VoxBox. This one would consist of makeup, hair and pampering products. Throw out pampering and you have me on board!
If you are interested in taking a look and getting some free swag here is my link. Click and away you go.
So here we go… I am now an Influenster. Let’s see if this pays off. And if not… oh well.

 

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