Dear Anxiety

Dear Anxiety,

So we meet again… Well it’s more like good morning, as you are always there. It’s like a dance that will never end.

You have no idea how much you control my life, or maybe you do and you enjoy it. You change. Sometimes you are like a boulder on my chest, while other times you are like a stomach full of butterflies. Normally I can’t breathe and when I am able to I am scared I may hyperventilate.

You make being around people unbearable. Making new friends is impossible. Keeping old friends is just as hard. The social anxiety creeps up and makes me feel as if everyone is talking about me or wishes I would go away. Anxiety is lonely.

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If anxiety did to your insides what it does to your mind I imagine mine would be a big, black burned looking pit. It feels like it literally eats at me every day, takes a little bit of me each minute.

Most people think I am stuck up or awkward, what they don’t know is that I am waging a war every day in my own head. I try too hard to make people like me, thinking it may ease the tension building up in my chest.

Working terrifies me to the point that I dread going each morning, no matter what the job is. My anxiety reaches a point of no return until I know I have at least made it through the day without getting fired, even though I have done nothing wrong. Relationships with my superiors are unobtainable.

Anxiety you put a strain on my family. I know you take away from the mother and wife I could be. My husband deals with you as well. He is always there and tries to fight you off. I am so lucky to have him but of course you slip into that relationship as well and make me jealous and not fully trust him when there is not one ounce of reason why I should feel that way.

You take life’s and tear them apart. You are nothing but horrible but yet I still dance with you every day.

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